Relationships- Why my ex won’t leave me alone

20130821-133812.jpgRelationships start beautifully, but in the end, when things don’t work out one surely has to leave for one reason or the other. The biggest question is whether we should allow them back, as visitors or Just Friends.

Some call them ex and they mean ex for real. That simply means they put a large ex on their names and virtually wouldn’t want to have anything to do with them. As usual, I love to hear people’s experiences so I would give you a scenario of someone who had to endure the trauma of an angry and jealous ex.

Malvin shares:
Her name is Denise, my first girlfriend. She was amazing, fair and suited my taste. Big stuff, friendly, polite and prayerful. Friends for three years, best friends for three days and a girlfriend for six months. I wish we still remained friends, because it was just after I had proposed, she started misbehaving big time. There was a time she entered my hostel room, told all my friends to go out because she had an issue to settle with me. ‘Wow’ I stood there quietly. I asked my friends to gently move out and they complied, because they knew she was calm, and most of them liked our relationship. She began yelling and screaming. Why? She had seen me talking to Adjoa twice in a day. That got her angry. I apologised.
Two days later, in the middle of the street, she saw me holding hands with Selina and she got furious. She hit Selina with her bag and the two girls fought like cats and dogs.
I was in a cave. A love cave. As if that was not enough, she had secretly called my mom to tell her I was having a lot of affairs with different girls on campus. And my mom got real furious because she knew her, she knew she loved me genuinely. It was enough. She wanted to control everything, my food, my friends, my life. I warned her, patiently, thrice, it wasn’t going to work that way, still to no avail. It got worse.
I had to be a man. So I did what a man would do. I showed her the exit. Could we please stop all this. I couldn’t take it any more. She did not care. She shouted and said ‘Im a fool, I let this jerk into my life’ she returned all my gifts and I stayed mute.
Just two weeks after that she had found new love. John, another friend. I looked lonely, but at least, there was less trouble.
A whole year, no call, no communication, nothing.
Final year, three months to complete school, I met Linda, not so much of my ‘taste’ but she had one thing, a heart of gold and I’ll add silver. Very friendly, humble and decent. She visited me and we had fun. Just a month after walking with her, Denise showed up. Her new friend was my roommate Johnson. It was funny. It was funny and annoying. She laughed with my Johnson, and you realised he was not comfortable. She sang songs, I’ve got mine, those things girls do. My roommate wasn’t happy, very intolerant, he asked her never to resurface. Two weeks, and I’m receiving flowers and gifts almost every weekend. Cards upon cards, I’m sorry, please forgive me. She came to my room and cried all night.
What was I to do?

Sometimes these people called ex(s) are trouble and nothing else. But the question is, is it worth it allowing them into our lives?

Bobbywrites would love to hear from you, cherished bobbyreads and your stories. Lets get interactive.

It’s relationship Wednesday. Love your God, love your neighbour, love your self.
God bless…



14 thoughts on “Relationships- Why my ex won’t leave me alone

  1. Hi there!

    My name is Blake and I’m an associate producer working on MTV’s True Life: I Can’t Cut Off From My Ex. I came across this great blog and love how it dives into the complexities of relationships. I wanted to reach out and introduce myself since this episode is looking at relationships after breakups. I thought some of your followers may be interested in being a part of this episode. I’ve included some information below about the episode and it would be so helpful if you could help us spread the word. Please let me know if you have any questions!


    Blake Stelle
    Associate Producer
    MTV’s True Life
    Punched in the Head Productions
    718-422-0704 ext. 328


    Have you broken up with a significant other, but you just can’t seem to stay broken up? Does your ex constantly come in and out of your life? Are you constantly reminded of your ex on social media? Has it become impossible to unfollow/unfriend your ex? Or do you try to keep up with your ex, even if your ex doesn’t want you to? Does a single past relationship keep affecting your life in ways you never expected?

    If you appear to be between the ages of 18 and 28 and you have an ex who doesn’t stay in your past, MTV wants to hear your story. Please reply to with True Life in the subject line. Give us your name, location, phone number, a picture and tell us why you should be on True Life: I Can’t Cut Off From My Ex.

  2. I broke up with my ex in July, i didnt cheat on her or anything like that. I broke up with her as i didnt see a future with her, since we broke up she had stopped eating ended up in hospital twice and will not let me get on with my life, she still begs to see me, she calls me every night i have no idea what to do apart from pull my hair out.

    • What do you term as ‘dint see a future with her’ If there’s no apparent reason apart from that, I think you should go back and fix things to get back on track. However if you still feel there’s no future as you’re saying, then sit her down, make her know the truth about how you feel and move on. Prayer and deep reflection helps much as well.

    • No no… It’s still a matter of choice. You weigh the advantages and disadvantages. Then you see which one would help most. It’s like serving two masters, there would be sacrifices to make before fulfilment

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  6. I was married to a controlling, narcissistic, abusive man for 16 years when he finally got another woman pregnant and I thought it was over. They married and she ended up putting him in prison for home invasion and csc. I was relieved, however, I am disabled and was fearful of our 4 children we had, for I was receiving child support and alimony. My ex went to prison and I started to fall financially to where I was going to lose our home. This is where I totally f***up. My ex husbands brother, my children’s uncle came over and became our hero. He helped with money, yard work, plumbing, repairs, he became the husband perhaps the father I thought my children needed. (He also had a girlfriend) However, he started to make it very clear that he will always be there for me if….. I have an affair with him. Sadly the few people I spoke to about it, (men friends) all said, “hell yes.” So I started sleeping him for everything. He added my kids, (his nephews) to his car insurance policy. He found jobs for my kids through his friends. He loaned my daughters cars and trucks when needed. He helped all my kids with graduations, tuition for college. I can go on an on. OK, here is the weird part, he told me how his girlfriend was hooked on drugs. He said he needed to save her, as he was saving me? Finally three years later I started to feel the same control, abuse that my husband (his brother) had done to me. So I drifted, putting him on the back burner, I got a boyfriend (a wonderful man.) I then told my ex bother in law to go away! He took his finger as a knife and told me I had now just cut my throat. I knew I f***up. So, I continued in secret to see him. It was awful. My boyfriend figured it out and he then got even with me. Everything spun out of control. I befriended my brother in laws girlfriend. I started telling on him without disclosing the affair. Finally 5 years of it and me and my boyfriend broke up and I told my kids. I told everyone. Then I was in a horrible accident. My boyfriend took me back to care for my injuries. My brother in law showed up there. My brother in law sent flowers. I threatened to call police. He then told his girlfriend that I was the one chasing him. I could not get rid of him. I was so physically injured, mentally distressed. I left my boyfriend and came home to heel. Mind you it is now over 3 years since I had been intimate with the brother in law. I am now in my home and my youngest son is taking care of me. But my brother in law wont quit. He comes over unannounced. He comes with food. Thing we need for the house, like lamps, dishes. He plows my driveway. Gives my kids, my grandkids money. I tell him to stop. I tell him I don’t like him like that. He try’s to hug me. I tell him no. He text 3 to 10 times a day telling me how beautiful I am, in spite of my injuries. Now 2 years later and I am finally healing from my injuries but the doctors continue to worry of my stress level for my blood pressure is high, my emotions are out of control. I keep going to specialist because I had a skull fracture in the accident and suffer from TBI but the doctors keep telling me my anxiety is just too high. I haven’t disclosed the brother in law because of my humility? I now yell at him. I threw a chair at him. My boys (8 years older) are now 24 and love their uncle but tell him to knock it off. He will continue to text if I am gone all day and if I don’t answer he comes over. He wont go away.

  7. It difficult to be friends with your ex especially if you two were seriously in love. You can’t just be friends, there would be some jealousy, stalking it gets messed up.better if you stay out of their way, and leave them be.wish them well from a distance.if things are meant to be you guys would surely get back together

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